Sometimes there are just too many apologies that need to be made. Ones you’ll never get because the person who owes them is incapable of that thing called perspective.
A romantic relationship is never not complicated. It’s not the love part. That’s either there or it’s not. It’s not the attraction. There’s a spark that lights the flame or it just fizzles. It’s all that unpacking of traumas, the getting to know the other characters in the story, the retracing of storylines until you know each other intimately. Its the figuring out who they are when they’re drunk or angry or hurt. It’s the knowing them through all four seasons. It’s the security. It’s the faith. It’s the other person’s agenda. It’s the way they hold your heart once they have it. It’s really what they do with the freedom you gave them, to inhabit your soul, that matters.
That’s why it takes so long to know it’s not gonna work, sometimes. That’s why it’s so hard to let go. That’s why we overstay our welcome, long past the tears and the frustration. That’s why we become disappointed in ourselves for wasting our own time. A trampled soul begs for peace, but not quietly.
If you’re owed apologies and banking on that other person to realize they were wrong and act accordingly, you’re still wasting time. Apologize to yourself for ignoring the red flags and move on. Apologize to yourself for forgetting your worth. Accept your own apology and be free of it. Then don’t do it again.
That’s how you find peace. Go there and stay.
Healing….. means wading through the trauma you experienced and ending up standing on top of that mountain of bullshit that life threw at you and screaming “I F***ING WON”!
Hi! I am the owner and sole writer for “DisturbingClarity”, a humorous yet factual blog found at http://www.disturbingclarity.com. I began this blog in effort to try to fill in the gaps for travelers like myself, ready for adventure and avoiding disaster. I have also found myself writing about food and gardening and living your best life! I hope you enjoy these articles and please feel free to make suggestions. I would love to hear your ideas!
….And sometimes I join the community of poets and songstresses on WordPress and break my own heart while I write. Sometimes it’s just what I need to do.