These walls were built for you
That enemy that wears too many hats
Who talks too much and knows too much about me
Knows the ways to get down into the cracks of my psyche
Apparently has a roadmap to my soul
Knows how to make me lose my self-worth
Knows how to bruise me in vulnerable places
The secret enemy of my heart
Hates when I am right and tries to fight me each time
I always lose
And Rejection knows the power he wields
And he knows that I am already broken
I didn’t forget to tell him to love me and respect me and care for me
When I dropped my shield and lowered my sword
I pretended I was safe.
That I could rest myself. Again.
Friends and lovers leave the same mess behind
They must know him too, right?
Then why do they banquet with him?
And how do they live with themselves?
And how do I recreate new armor when I have no skills and no tools?
And yet I can already hear my heart hammering
Pounding it out until it shines again
My longing, polishing a new gleaming breastplate
Stronger than the last one
Protecting what’s already broken
It just gets so heavy